GemsStory

Week Two Done - Weigh In Result

2012-01-30T09:59:00.000-08:00

I lost 2lbs this week. Again I feel disappointed! Silly isn't it?! So that is 7lbs in 2 weeks - which is good and I have to concentrate on remembering that!

There have been so many times in week 2 when I have wanted to eat something I shouldn't, or eyed up chocolate but walked out of the shop without buying it. So many I think, that I really wanted to see a bigger reward for my willpower!

Another thing is that hubby ate loads more than me, had chocs, crisps, a chip barm AFTER his tea as he was still hungry, etc etc, and he lost 4 lbs - that is so unfair!! But he's got all cocky with it now, so i'm hoping a gain bites him on the ass this week and teaches him a lesson!

Still Going Well...

2012-01-26T09:29:00.000-08:00

But I am struggling sooooo much today. It is one year today since Barry died. I stupidly went in to work this morning, and although on the edge of emotional felt ok. Then I had a horrendous client on the phone, screaming/shouting/ranting and just basically telling me her whole was shit and it was my fault. She did end up apologising before the end of the call, and I kept calm. Put the phone down, and that was it, niagara falls coming out of my eyes.

Emailed my supervisor, saying I was in a state and could I go home and she sent me off.

I bought my mum some flowers, then went to see her. I also bought some balloons for me, my mum and the children to release with messages attached, so we could send them "up to heaven".

All these emotions are playing havoc though. I want to EAT. I want CHOCOLATE and LOTS of it. I want to eat whatever the hell I feel like eating. Grrrrr.

I have been really good though, no chocs/crisps or anything. Even on WWers I would still have WW choc bars and low calorie crisps, but I figure i'm best to cut out temptation totally.

Also, I went for a walk last night! First time in what must be 10 months that I have actually walked anywhere. Went about 2 miles, which is nothing to what I used to do, but oooooh my legs and hips are feeling it today! Am hoping to make it a regular thing though, its with one of the mums from school, so it does us both good to get out of the house for an hour or so.

Week One Done - Weigh In Result

2012-01-23T09:44:00.000-08:00

Weighed in this morning - i've lost 5 lbs in my first week. So am now 21st 3lbs, or 297 lbs.

I know that is a loss.

I know 5lbs is a fairly good sized loss.

I know these things, yet I still feel disappointed. WHY!?? I immediately went through my food diary, trying to pin point things I maybe shouldn't have had. Then I thought about all the things I wanted to eat, and managed not to, and am thinking, "I may as well have had them". All sorts of crazy stupid things running through my head.

Wish someone could wave a wand over me so I could stop thinking!

I Survived..

2012-01-21T09:10:00.000-08:00

...a full week at work, with no tears, and didn't feel upset or even close to crying once! Even when people ask "how are you doing?", and give me THAT look of pity, the look guaranteed to bring on tears a few weeks ago, I was fine!

I haven't had any binges, haven't succumbed to the urges and the constant stream of rubbish running through my head. For example, went to the cinema on Weds night. I was feeling hungry still as didn't have a lot for tea. I had to go to the shop to pick up a few bits, and i'm walking round thinking "what should I get". Looked at choccies, popcorn, crisps, sweets. Didn't buy any. Thought I might buy some at the cinema instead. Bought a Sprite Zero at the cinema, no sweets or anything. Even considered buying a huge hot dog, but didn't. Then sat down to the film (The Iron Lady - really enjoyed it), and running through my head was, "I could get a Burger King on the way home", or "a chicken wrap is better value for money than BK". In the end I didn't buy anything (GO me!), and had nothing else to eat that night. But that is an example of what is going through my head, constantly. It's so annoying. One blip and I just know i'll start eating.

But, pat on the back for me, so far I am beating my demons :) It will get easier the more I ignore these little voices.

Actually, I did just have a binge. I ate loads of carrot sticks, lol. Does that count?!

Looking forward to weigh in on Monday, fingers crossed for a good result to keep me going. Hubster has been eating healthier since 1st Jan, and has lost a stone.

Well....

2012-01-17T09:15:00.000-08:00

..... I know it's only day 2 but it's going well so far!! Yesterday, I had NO chocolate, or cake, or crisps, or biscuits. I was a good girl.

So far so good today too. Although still have around 5 hours before bed! But i've just eaten my tea and am stuffed to the gills, so shouldn't need anything else. I have some bananas and little orange things (not sure if they are clementines or not!), so they will suffice if I need nibble later.

I've survived 4 days at work so far, without any tears or stress. Doesn't sound much, but bearing in mind I couldn't get through 1 day without crying a couple of months ago, it's all steps in the right direction :)

There is a big box of Thornton's chocolates on the end of my desk at work (for some reason when people bring in chocolates/sweets they always end up at the end of my desk). Also, our office is right above the shop where they serve food. Bacon/sausage butties, toast etc until 10.30, then sandwiches and hot food. So we can smell foooood all day. It's like torture! And it's no wonder i've struggled with my diet since being in that office. We are moving in a few weeks though, so no more shop, which can only be a good thing!

Look - Up There ^

2012-01-16T09:26:00.000-08:00

I've got a new ticker, eek!

It's about time I got cracking again and got some weight off. I weighed myself this morning on the Wii. Am 21 stones and 8 lbs, or 302 lbs, so not great, but not as bad as I thought. I can't let myself get above 315 lbs, which was my start weight last time.

I haven't got a plan of action yet, or meal plan or anything, just going with the flow for a couple of weeks and trying not to buy rubbish to pig out on in the evenings.

I've just had chicken fajitas for dinner, oooof, my mouth is on fire! (I used the whole packet of spices) Don't need anything else today, I wouldn't be able to taste it anyway!

Getting Back To Reality (Hopefully)

2012-01-12T09:06:00.000-08:00

Firstly, thank you to everyone who took time to comment on my last post, it's good to know there are people out there supporting me :)

Also, very interesting point regarding the boiler and the carbon monoxide poisoning. Since the boiler has been out of action I haven't felt half as tired or suffered as many headaches! It could be linked I suppose. We now have a new boiler, hot water is so luxurious!! I really didn't realise how much I took it for granted!

I went back to work today. Eeek. Decided to go back on a Thursday so I can ease myself in for a couple of days before attempting a full week. My GP was very supportive, made sure I wasn't feeling pressurised in to going back, and said i've to go straight back to him if they start making life difficult for me, or I need any additional support.

All the backlog of work I was struggling with, has been cleared. So i've been basically given a clean slate (and around 100 emails) to get started with. I've only been given about 70% of my work back, initially for 4 weeks, then will start to increase back to my normal work load. So fingers crossed I can start to get back to normal again.

It is coming up to a year since Barry died, and I am hoping that psychologically that may be a turning point for me. Maybe now that all the "firsts" without him have happened, I can start to move on again, stop this stupid emotional eating. I'm cutting down already (or trying to). i'm totally skint, but it's like when I used to smoke, I always found the money for cigarettes, now I always seem to find the money for chocolate/other crap I could do without!

Long Time No Blog

2012-01-03T03:26:00.000-08:00

It's been a while! Not much has changed. I'm still off work but planning to go back on Monday, although I have to see my doc again this week.

I went to the appointment about the weight loss clinic. It was embarresing to say the least. Went to reception and she said to take a seat with the rest of the them. They might as well have got the branding irons out, a group of people sat on chairs (I wasn't the biggest but not far from it), in front of a big sign saying "Adult Weight Loss Clinic", all segregated off from the rest of the waiting area. Then when they came out, they marched us all through the waiting room, therefore through the other waiting patients, into a room together. The plan sounds ok, and very well managed, but all appointments are on a Monday, Tuesday or Weds morning, which is no use for me when i'll be at work.

I've had a crap Xmas and New Year. I smashed my oven door a few days before Xmas, and the oven has been knackered for ages anyway, so need a new one. I cried every day, except Xmas day, from Christmas Eve to New Years Eve. The first Xmas without Barry, and it was emotional, he was always a big part of Christmas Day. On Boxing Day the boiler packed up, so we have no heating or hot water. British Gas have condemned it, we need a new one. Not impressed, so no oven, no heating, no hot water. Grrrreat!

Also, I had a cold 2 weeks before Xmas, then a stomach upset that lasted almost a week, then started with a chest infection on Xmas Eve, which is ongoing. Aaaaand Kieron started being sick at 8.30pm on Xmas Eve and is still not 100% now. It's awful trying to clean up after him with no hot water too!

I told myself, New Year New Start. Got to get back to losing weight. But i'm struggling to feel any different/more positive. I am going to stop with the binge eating though. I've started doing cross stitch again, so it keeps my hands busy in an evening instead of reaching for food. I'm going to weigh myself, but I have a feeling i'll be over the 23 st limit on the Wii :(

Hope everyone has had a better time than me over the festive period! Thanks Tim for your Christmas Wishes, which I have only just seen :)

Update

2011-11-17T01:44:00.000-08:00

My appt at the docs went ok. He signed me off work for 2 weeks. He also told me off for not going back to see him after my last appt, as I was supposed to go back in 2 weeks but it was more like 2 months. I've to restart my tablets (which I did do last night) and go back to see him in 2 weeks (I will go back this time!)

He was shocked when I showed him my pic, it's clearly visible i've put a lot of weight on. He weighed me (yuk), and I haven't quite gained all the weight back I lost, but he was concerned that I have gained around 30 kgs in less than 12 months. He has referred me to a Weight Management Class, my first appt is on 9th December, which will be a group appt, to decided if i'm a suitable candidate. If I do the programme, it is a 12 month programme, under the care of a doctor, a dietician and a psychologist, which could be really helpful for me to finally get to the bottom of this emotional eating.

Thank you for the supportive comments :) Now, I must rush as I have to get the house ready for visitors, it's Kieron's 2nd Birthday, eeep, hows that happened!

Docs Today

2011-11-14T01:01:00.001-08:00

I'm at the docs in an hour. I neeeeeeeeed to sort myself out. I haven't been in work since Wednesday, it got to a point where I was sat there in constant tears, I can't go on like this, so i'm taking some time to try to sort myself out.

The idea was to keep busy and sort my sh*thole pig sty of a house out, but at the moment it is taking me all my effort just to get out of bed and stay out of it until bed time.

I really need to get my act together regarding my weight. I haven't weighed myself but i'm fairly sure I am right back to where I started (if not heavier). I'm going to show the doc a pic of me taken less than 12 months ago, I need to get back to where I was then, so I hope he has a magic wand! I was so happy and full of confidence. Now I just can't be bothered with myself. My hair is grey as I havent dyed it since the day before Barry's funeral, I can't reach properly to shave my legs so disgusting am I, that I haven't shaved them since June. I am struggling to dress myself cos i'm so fat it's like being 9 months pregnant and unable to reach my feet. My breathing sounds awful, if I walk upstairs I can't breathe and am wheezy (although I do have a bad cough too at the moment). All these were triggers for me to lose weight in the first place, and I know I need to do it, so why do I keep eating? I never feel full.

This is my pic, can't really believe it is me

Still Exhausted & Other Things

2011-10-30T10:33:00.000-07:00

I still seem to be in a permanent state of exhaustion. Like really really tired.

I was on annual leave when i last posted, then the week after I rang in sick at work. I had a tummy upset but it was nothing that would have normally kept me off work. I just couldn't face it. I spent the whole week (well from 8.30am to 1.30 pm each day) in bed. I managed to drag myself back in to work the last two weeks, but it is tough going.

I seem to feel ok for about a week to 10 days, then i'll crash again and for a week - 10 days I feel like crap. the tears start and don't stop. I think they just dry up eventually, then build up supply again for a week or so before they start again. Today is the start of a slump.

I'm not taking the tablets (so not really doing much to help myself). I think i'm bigger now than when I started WW just over 3 years ago. Jake said the other night that "I was nice when I was thin and not sad all the time", that hurt. But it didn't hurt enough to stop me bloody well eating.

I can't cope with my children, I don't have the energy to be a mum, it all seems too hard and i'm crap at it.

As soon as i get up in a morning, i'm counting the minutes until I can go to sleep again.

Have an appointment with works doc on Tues, see if they've got a magic wand, it's what I need.

Exhausted!

2011-10-05T09:24:00.000-07:00

Wow, i've not felt this tired before, except during early pregnancy, that's a tiredness like none on earth! But, no, I am most definitely not pregnant, I just feel so exhausted. Like everything aches, i'm so tired!

Kieron's surgery went well yesterday. He has had a right orchidopexy (sounds dead complicated doesn't it!), but it's basically pulling his testicle down in to his scrotum as it hadn't descended as it should (can't remember if I previously said what the op was!). He two cuts, one on his tummy, one on his "googlies", as we call them! His surgeon did say the testicle was very high, and because the blood vessels attached are pulled so taut now there is a risk it could retract again, meaning more surgery, also the blood vessels could die, meaning the testicle does too, so fingers crossed for none of that happening. Check up in 3 months.

It usually takes 35 mins to get to Alder Hey, so we set off at 6.30am, giving us an hour and a half. We still got stuck, it took us an hour and 15 minutes to go 10 miles, one hour of that to go 1 mile! Shocking traffic. Anyway we got there only 20 minutes late at 8.20. I had to go with Kieron to theatre while they popped him of to sleep, was horrible and I bawled my eyes out. I thought something had gone wrong because his breathing went strange. He was fine within an hour of waking up, I was told to try him with a drink and some food, and it's a good job I took some with me, they came back after an hour to ask if he's eaten, even though they didn't actually offer us anything for him! He was soon wrecking the ward so we were kicked out pretty quick!

Last night I slept from 9.15 to 7am, then fell asleep with Kieron this morning from 10 to 12, and I still feel sooooo tired. Kieron seems fine today, although his "bits" are very bruised, and he can't have a bath until Sunday (ha ha no chance of lasting that long before he's desperate for one!), his dressings have come off anyway, and how am i supposed to keep his nappy area dry?

Tablets Now!

2011-10-01T00:11:00.000-07:00

I finally picked up my tablets on Thursday. Yak, i've felt ill ever since the first one. All day yesterday my head was pounding (which, to be fair, I might've had a headache anyway), and things kept moving when I looked at them (walls and things!) I took the second one last night and was in bed 30 mins later, 8.30pm! So we'll see what today brings!

I haven't felt too bad this week actually. The non stop crying seems to have stopped, and the only time I felt anxious was before setting off to Alder Hey for Kieron's appointment. I have now convinced myself though that something is going to go wrong on Tuesday! All sorts of crazy thoughts going through my head, from the car breaking down, to getting stuck in traffic, to something actually going wrong in the op.

Went to the cinema on Weds, watched Crazy, Stupid, Love. It was ok. I'd recommend it when it's on tele if theres nothing else on at the same time! It's had great reviews, but I found it a bit slow going. I do like to not have to concentrate too much when at the cinema, but this was beyond easy watching!

No Tablets Yet

2011-09-28T09:31:00.000-07:00

Still havent got around to picking up my prescription for the tablets. On Monday it was to late to get to the chemist after the docs.

Yesterday was a whirlwind. Had to take Kieron to Alder Hey, and he has been booked in for an operation on Tuesday (eek, panic), then came home, fed and watered the family, and had to be out the door again as I was meeting a friend, who'd very kindly offered me a free ticket for Peter Kay. I'm not his biggest fan, but I had a good night. It did me the world of good to get out of the house and to have a good laugh :)

Today, the chemist closes at 3, so by the time I was home from work it was too late.

So fingers crossed I should have them tomorrow. But typical things is, I don't feel too bad at the moment. All that crying I did last week seems to have stopped and i'm not ALWAYS on the verge of tears, just once or twice a day now. However, this happened last time, so I decided not to take the tablets and look where I am now.

Am off out again in a little while (2 nights on the run, shock horror), am going to the pictures with my old WW buddy Catherine, she'll get a shock when she sees me, and not a nice one. I really need to curb this "eating everything in sight" malarky!

Depression Questionnaire

2011-09-26T13:38:00.000-07:00

Last time I went to the Dr, he did a questionnaire and I scored 14, he didnt do one today, so thought I would do my own - the results are below, and theres no surprises there. These results were after being truly honest with myself, not telling little lies like I did to the doc.

You have reached level 59 on the Goldberg scale.

0 - 9	Depression unlikely	21 - 35	Minor to moderate depression
10 - 17	Possibly minor depression	36 - 53	Moderate to severe depression
18 - 21	On the verge of depression	54+	Severe depression

Weekend and Monday

2011-09-26T11:45:00.000-07:00

The weekend, all in all, wasn't too bad. I didn't cry all day Sat or Sunday, until about 30 minutes after jake came home from his regular Sunday at his Nanna's. I don't like to say this but he DRIVES ME CRAZY. I really can't cope with his behaviour, I will have to make a list of what he does, but basically, everything he does bugs me. He doesn't listen to a damn thing I ask him to do, his room and every other room he has been in is a wreck. He wets the bed most nights, so having to deal with that is annoying, although obviously I know it's not his fault.

On Sunday, myself and Darren and Olivia and Elliot went on a tour around Reebok Stadium, home of the (not so mighty) Bolton Wanderers. It was a good hour and a half, very interesting, although I wasn't too keen on having to climb 6 flights of stairs to get to the commentators gallery, 89 feet above the pitch!

I have been to the Dr today. Not much use really. He's given me some antidepressants, Citalapram, which I'm not sure if they sent me even more cuckoo last time I tried them. Have to go back and see him in two weeks.

Almost forgot. After the tour we went for a meal. I was opposite a mirror. Yuk. I look like my before picture again :(

Friday

2011-09-24T01:03:00.000-07:00

Had a slightly better day. It didnt start off too great. Woke up crying again and cried a couple of times at work. Was collared by the manager who asked how things were going. I haven't mentioned too much about work but the last 3 months have been awful. Quite a lot of staff have left and they cannot be replaced due to "council cut backs". We now have 8 Payroll Officers, we used to have 23. Of the 8 of us left 3 are part time.

Anyway we had a chat and he's promised he is trying to put things in place to make the next couple of weeks easier (coming up to deadline and 2 of the full time staff are on annual leave and paternity leave), so hopefully things will improve. Another colleague has been off sick this past week, and "should" be in next week according to management, however the rest of us can't see him being back in. Two people at work have been offered sicknotes, and refused them as they don't want to let anyone down.

I think everyone is fairly convinced I won't be in next week. I'm not sure I will be myself, although being at home probably won't do me any good either, at least i'm keeping busy at work.

When I got home from work, I found 6 Crunchies had been posted through the door! This is related to my FB status last Friday, where I summed up a crap week, said thank F it's Friday and asked if anyone had a Crunchie!! Found out later that it was my Dad who put them through!

Weird Day

2011-09-22T13:17:00.000-07:00

I had a bad day again today. The tears started as soon as I woke up. It's so strange to be crying and not knowing WHY.

Work was hard today. I'd just got in and was asked to send some information out to a Senior member of staff - I sent the wrong info and had to do it all again. I was passed the post and i'd looked through it 3 times before I realised that I hadn't actually registered anything on any of it, let alone taken out any of my work. Then I handed a few bits out to other colleagues. A bit later on an email came through about one of the pieces of work in the post, and I knew I'd seen it and that I'd passed it on. Looked through everyone's desk that I had handed post to, searched everywhere for an hour, then found it sat on my desk. I gave up and came home at that point.

I felt so strange today though at work. Felt "spaced out", like everything was happening around me but I wasn't really part of it. I used to take tranquilisers, and I felt like i'd taken 2 at once, used to get a similar feeling then.

It was Olivia's birthday today (my baby girl 12!) It was hard to get through this evening, and I feel so guilty that I can't seem to enjoy my children's birthdays.

Dreading work tomorrow, I really feel I can't function properly any more, I might as well have not bothered going in today with all the mistakes I made :(

Bad Day

2011-09-21T12:53:00.000-07:00

Had a real downer of a day. All too common at the moment. Today was the 3rd day out of 5 (since last Thursday) that I have been in tears at work. The tears were already rolling down my face when my alarm went off this morning, and they didn't stop all day. Not quite a full on waterfall, just a constant trickle. If anyone is "nice" to me, the tears start again, so I need everyone to be horrible, haha. (And then i'd get all paranoid that everyone hates me and i'm horrible and don't deserve to be liked, so maybe nice is better, I don't know, my head hurts).

I've made an appointment to see the doc on Monday. I've been gradually getting more depressed over the last 12 months, and i've hit the point now where if I don't do something to help myself, i'll do something silly instead.

I want Barry (my stepdad) back. He "got" me like no one else seems to, and I knew that if I said something to him that sounded stupid to everyone else, that he would understand, he's had the same thoughts as me. He's given me many a pep talk, one of them being last December when I tried to jump in front of a car. I miss him lots :(

Changes

2011-09-20T11:21:00.000-07:00

I've made a few changes, still playing around so things may change again!

I took on board the comments after my last post, and have decided to brighten things up a little around here. I've taken off my ticker as there's not much point in it being there at the moment!

I've changed the name of my blog to GemsStory, rather than GemsWWStory, as theres not much WW going on at the moment. I'm not too sure yet what, if anything, i'll be talking about! I have so much going around in my head right now, but i'm going to try to use this blog to "get well" again.

I'm leaving my pics up for now to remind of what I can do when I'm well and coping and life is good and that life won't always feel this crap :)

Erm - Hello!

2011-09-17T05:34:00.000-07:00

Yes I went awol again. Still haven't sorted my head out, still gaining weight. I just don't know what to do to get myself out of this rut.

Someone called me a "fat cow" the other day. Wow, that hurt. I mean, I know i've gained a lot of weight and I am hugely overweight again, but to overhear someone say that, it was a sharp slap in the face.

It's led to me having a total breakdown the last 2 days. None stop crying, and the worst thing, instead of giving me a kick up the backside, i've eaten loads. Can't stop shoveling it in :(

Rarrrr I hate me :(

Behaving Myself!

2011-07-06T00:37:00.001-07:00

First of all , thank you to Tim for such a lovely comment on my last post :)

My kick up the arris on Saturday seems to have done the trick so far! I have been eating healthier, and I have cut out all the rubbish (cakes, pastries, chocs, crisps, bombay mix, cola/cherryade), haven't had any all week so far.

I got the courage together to weigh myself on Sunday, on the Wii, and as expected I have gained 3 stones, since April :/ Im now back up to 18.5 stone or 258 lbs.

I think my body is on a crash down from it all though, I have been having headaches, and my stomach, without going into TMI, is off! Probably withdrawals from the thousands of calories and all the sugar/fats I was scoffing.

SO you can get an idea of what I was eating on a typical day (im doing this to shock myself too, it always looks worse written down)

Breakfast - 2 toasted teacakes drowning in butter

Morning snack - banoffee flapjack

Lunch - sandwich (usually a large baguette), or 2 pasties, followed by a cake or danish pastry

Afternoon stodge (too much for a snack) - packet crisps (usually a big Grab Bag), bar of choc (normal size), can of cherryade/cola. I have been known to buy 3 iced fingers or large cookies and eat them all

Dinner - lots of takeaways, either chicken burger & chips, or Mighty Meaty (10 imch) pizza, with onion rings & garlic bread, or a chinese/indian

Evening - packet bombay mix or large bag crisps, large bag M&M's or family size choc bar, and sometimes a double pack of cake (choux buns, new york cheesecake, raspberry turnovers)

Yak

Been AWOL and Struggling

2011-07-02T00:05:00.000-07:00

So its almost 3 months since my last post. I fell totally off the WW wagon, yet again. I have binged my way back to an unhealthy weight, i'm now struggling to get into size 22 clothes.

Yesterday I went to a meet off a forum i'm a member of, and having seen the photos ive realised what i've done to myself.

So im giving myself a big kick up the arris to do something about this, it cant carry on. I know a lot of this is emotional eating, its my way of "self harming" I suppose. I need to sort my head out, am going to try to find a counsellor to help me. I want to try to avoid taking any medication.

I havent weighed myself, i'm too ashamed :(

Week 3 Weigh In

2011-04-15T09:28:00.000-07:00

3rd week on plan, and I lost 1lb this week, taking my total to 10lbs in 3 weeks, which is overall, a good loss. However, I still couldn't help feeling disappointed after all the work I put in this week

I ate all my 33 daily points allowance, only 4 of my 49 weekly allowance, and I also did loooooooooads of exercise, really putting in the effort. So I thought I would have a 2-3lb loss this week.

Right now, im really struggling with the urge to binge. I am fighting it, but I feel like im weakening! Part of doing this entry now is to try and talk myself out of it! I know I dont need to eat anything other the meals I already have planned. Why is this sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bloody hard?

Lovely Weekend!

2011-04-10T14:12:00.001-07:00

The sun has shone all weekend and its been lovely! I played outside with the children yesterday afternoon. Wore myself out bouncing around on the trampoline!!

I went to the cinema last night with Olivia and Elliot, we watched Rio, I thought it was really good! It cured me of my Saturday night binge-fests too. I had a Dr Pepper zero, and no food!

Today, Olivia, Elliot and I went to Ingleton Waterfalls and walked the trail. Ive mentioned it before on here, it is a 8km trail around some waterfalls, with some spectacular views, and hundreds of blinking steps!! The weather was gorgeous, although possibly a little bit too hot for climbing all those steps!

A couple of pics!!

Olivia and Elliot sat on "The Money Tree" - which is a fallen tree upon which lots of people have placed money into the bark. I love

this picture!!

This waterfall is called Thornton Force and is the biggest of the falls. We had our picnic overlooking this.

Elliot is halfway up the steepest climb here, climbing to the top of Thornton Force. This part of the trail is

reeeeeeallllllllly hard!!

This is me, as we start the downward descent, and very relieved I was too. I think this could be Beezley Falls in the background.

So we are shattered but feeling good. AND I have survived a WHOLE weekend without binging!

Stupid Wii Fit!!

2011-04-09T00:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went into Bolton (my local town centre), on the bus, for a little walk round. Just as I got there, it came over the radio on the bus that all buses to the town centre had been stopped for the foreseeable future, due to an "incident". It turned out this was a bomb scare, and half the town was cordoned off. So I had a nice surprise walk home (roughly 3.5 miles I think!). Never mind, the thought of racking up activity points kept me going!

I ate really well yesterday, I had toast with peanut butter and banana for breakfast, soup and ryvita for lunch, a huge salad and a WW meal for dinner, and snack wise I had a WW chocolate bar, an apple and after dinner a WW dessert. I ended the day 3 points under my allowance,

Last night I did workout 4 on the ea Active 2 (im really enjoying this!!), and a step class workout too, so about 30 minutes of moderate to high exercise.

I then got on the Wii Fit and had apparently gained 3lbs!!! I have now fallen out with the stupid thing, I dont think I could have gained 3 lbs in 1 day if i'd have gone on the biggest of all binges, so I certainly havent after the day I had yesterday!

Week 2 Weigh In

2011-04-07T12:37:00.000-07:00

Weigh day again! Im sure it comes round quicker each week!! I lost half a pound this week.

Its a loss, and half a pound in the correct direction, and it means 9lbs over 2 weeks so all in all I know I should be happy...BUT!!...I exercised my behind off this week! I worked really hard, i've been on the Wii Fit every day, I did an exercise DVD, and i've also followed the ea active 2 planner, so I have done the 3 exercise routines it planned for me, plus one extra just for the hell of it! So, I was kind of hoping for a bit more than half a pound!

Never mind, I shall carry on and it will result in a fab loss next week (pretty please oh god of the weighing scales!!)

Ouch!!

2011-04-05T02:11:00.000-07:00

The word for today is OUCH! Said every time I move!

I *think* I may have overdone the exercise just a little yesterday! I did the Fat Attack workout. Managed to complete it, and I remembered most of it, despite not having done it for probably 6 years! Just shows how often I used to do it! I used to rewind it and do it again at one time! Dont think i'm quite at that stage yet!

I then decided to have a half hour on the Wii Fit Plus, doing a few lunges and other exercises for legs and hips.

I then bought ea Active 2 for the Wii. It comes with a USB thingy to record all your stats, a heart rate monitor and a leg strap which enables the Wii to read your position. It's very similar to Biggest Loser, but I must admit I found it a lot better than Biggest Loser. I did workout number 1 last night (about 25 minutes high intensity), and then did Workout 2 this morning. I really struggled this morning though, due to my legs aching so much!

I also ordered Just Dance 2 for the Wii, so looking forward to that arriving :)

Grrrr - Again!

2011-04-04T01:08:00.000-07:00

Ive eaten too much over the weekend! I really wish I knew why I do it. Eat and Eat and Eat, even though im not hungry and I know I shouldnt be eating.

Anyway! Back on track from today. I dont think i've eaten over my 49 points allowance, although I didnt track everything I ate so I may have done. But I think as long as I stick within my daily points for the rest of the week, and I hammer my activity points then I should be ok come weigh in time, fingers crossed!

Im going to attempt a fitness DVD this morning. I havent done it for years (in fact, the last time I did it, it was on a video rather than DVD, I havent opened it since buying it on DVD!!) Its Rosemary Conley's Fat Attack.

Activity Challenge

2011-04-02T03:07:00.000-07:00

Forgot to mention that I managed to do another of the activity challenged mentioned in last weeks class. I put some music on and did some energetic housework! It really livens up the dull task of cleaning!

So I combined 2 challenges, energetic housework and having a boogie!

We have a new leader from next week, her name is Paula, but I didnt really get chance to speak to her and I had to leave before she was introduced to the group. Fingers crossed she can keep us all motivated!

Im still going well on the plan. Was very disappointed yesterday to discover that 1 measly pint of cider has a whopping 7 propoints!! Wont be drinking that again! Good job I only had the one! It was a liquid lunch for me!

Woop :)

2011-03-31T11:52:00.000-07:00

I lost 8.5 lbs this week!! SO pleased with that! It almost makes up for the fact that my hips are agony! May have slightly overdone the Wii Fit this week, oops!

It is my friends funeral tomorrow. We have been asked to wear Manchester United tops, but I just cant do that, im a devout Bolton Wanderers fan! I will however wear red, and a scarf I got a few weeks ago from Old Trafford when Bolton played there.

RIP Julian, hope you are sleeping well

It's Weigh Day!

2011-03-31T01:22:00.000-07:00

Its weigh day already. Ive stuck to plan all week, I have managed on just my daily points allowance, and havent had any of the 49 weekly points, so I am hoping for a fab week 1 weigh in!

Ive been on Wii Fit a couple of times, and theres a weight loss on there so far! I was 16st 2lbs last week, so im hoping to be under 16st.

Feeling a lot better in general, now im back in control of my eating, everything else seems to fall into place around me too. Im actually off work at the moment with stress related illness, still struggling to come to terms with my stepdad's death. But i do feel much better already.

Will report back later :)

Survived :)

2011-03-27T12:27:00.000-07:00

I survived Saturday night, and ended the day with 2 propoints leftover, and my 49 weekly points intact!

I also have managed to stick to it today. Although I have learnt a lesson! We ate out for lunch, and I ordered a jacket potato with tuna mayo, knowing it came with a salad. It also came with salad dressing, rarrrr. I didnt know what the dressing was and the place was mad busy so couldn't be bothered to find out! So I didnt eat the salad, and i've learnt to ask for no dressing next time!

We went for a walk today to one of our favourite places, Hollingworth Lake. So ive had a little activity today too. I would normally walk round at least twice, but with all the children we only did the one lap (its about 2.5 miles). But I did have a go on the adventure playground too, which involved lots of climbing and balancing and rope walking! I looked a right wally!

Eeek Its Saturday Night

2011-03-26T12:35:00.000-07:00

It is notoriously my night for failing and falling spectacularly from the wagon.

Im doing well so far :) Me and hubby have a couple of DVDs to watch (Case 39 and Due Date), so I should be able to stop from munching. However I still have 9 propoints left, and havent touched my 49 weekly ones yet, so if i fancy something during the film I may indulge! I shouldnt go overboard as will be with hubby, and normally all my binge eating is done is secret, so that urge should stay away!

I did my WW challenge this morning with the children, we put a CD on and danced for about a half hour, I did build up quite a bit of a sweat so it did me some good! The children all thought I was a bit mad though!!

Getting Back On It!

2011-03-25T03:18:00.000-07:00

I went back to my normal meeting last night. I weighed in at 16 st 2 lbs, so ive gone up quite dramatically, but then I knew I had.

I've got myself a brand shiny new ticker for my blog! And ive got everything new at the meetings, its a brand new start for me. Ive even reregistered on WW website as a new user (Im now tiny'smrs, instead of gems 2008).

The subject at this weeks meeting was increasing activity levels. We were all given little challenges to do, so examples are:-

* to do an exercise DVD twice

* to do some energetic housework (glad I didnt get this one!)

* to use a piece of exercise equipment

I got "put some music on and have a good boogie". Nothing too difficult there!

Hello Again

2011-03-24T02:54:00.000-07:00

I have quite clearly been MIA (missing in action), or non action as is the case. I once again spectacularly fell off the wagon.

I dont know what the damage is yet, but im going to go back to weightwatchers and find out. A friend died on Monday, ive know him for 15 years, but more recently we'd seen each other every week as we were both members at WW. He'd done very very well and had lost over 7 stone. He was so so happy, and he'd met someone special and anyone could see they were mental about each other. So sad that he's been taken so suddenly and when he was so happy. He was only 44. Its hearing about this that has made me determined to start living life again, starting with getting my ass back in gear and finally getting to my goal weight.

Im starting as a whole fresh new start at Weightwatchers, so fingers crossed :)

Good Girl Today!!

2011-03-04T11:42:00.000-08:00

Ive had

Breakfast - Shredded Wheat bitesize & skimmed milk

Lunch - jacket potato with chicken curry (ate out at soft play centre), with side salad

Dinner - weightwatchers mexican chilli plus side salad

Snacks - apple, packet french fries, alpen light bar

Drinks - 3 teas, 1 coffee, 4 glasses water & a 500ml bottle water

I took Kieron to a soft play centre and spent a good hour climbing and chasing him, and sliding down slides!! Then we went to an outdoor park and after 10 minutes playing on there, we went for a walk around the lake to say hello to the ducks. Then we walked to the local shops, and picked Olivia, Elliot and Jake up from school, then went to another park on the way home. SO ive had quiet an active too. And i should sleep well tonight as im shattered :)

Better Today

2011-03-03T12:45:00.000-08:00

Felt a bit better today, although still felt like kicking something while at work, but I guess we all feel like that now and then!

Today i've had:

Breakfast - special k & skimmed milk

Lunch - wholemeal baguette, tiny bit of mayonnaise, lettuce, red onion, chicken

Dinner - WW ocean pie, 2 slices bread

Snacks - banana, apple, grapes, packet french fries, packet yoghurt breaks

Drinks - 3 coffees, 2 teas, 6 glasses water, can diet coke

Hard Day Today

2011-03-02T12:53:00.000-08:00

Ive really struggled through today. Its 5 weeks since Barry died, we got his post mortem report yesterday, and it says that he had a prolonged period of unconsciousness before death occured, which is very upsetting as we were told he died instantly. He still wouldnt have known anything about it, but its brought up a whole new heap of hurt and anger, and why's and what ifs.

I spent all day wanting to punch something or kick something or just to jump up and down and scream, but as I was at work I just cried instead. I also had to calculate some timesheets, the same group of timesheets I was calculating when I got the phone call to say he'd been found dead, so that brought it all back too.

Ive managed not to deal with today by eating though! Ive had another good day food wise.

Breakfast - Oats So Simple (apple & blueberry) & skimmed milk

Lunch - small baguette with hot beef and red onion (I'd run out of Ryvitas and didnt fancy soup on its own!!)

Dinner - pasta and bolognase

Snacks - small banana, apple, grapes, yoghurt breaks

Drinks - 4 (or 5, cant remember!) glasses water, 3 coffees, 1 tea

Day 2

2011-03-01T12:09:00.000-08:00

Day 2 (again!!) and its gone ok I think!

Breakfast - Oats So Simple raspberry flavour with skimmed milk

Lunch - Tin vegetable soup and 4 ryvitas

Dinner - ww chicken curry and rice, 2 slices milk roll

Snacks - small banana, large portion grapes, Go Ahead yoghurt breaks (1 packet)

Drinks - 7 (ish) large glasses water, 2 coffees, 2 teas (yes i have been running to the loo all day too!)

In answer to Tims comment, I havent decided on a set routine yet, im just taking things day by day and seeing how it goes. I will try to get something more structured in place once im back in the swing of things.

Im looking for some sort of charity event to sign up to, that will inspire me to pick up my exercise and continue loosing weight so I can be successful at whatever I decide to do. I did a 10k Race For Life last year and really enjoyed it, so might sign up again for that.

Oops I Did It Again!

2011-02-28T11:09:00.000-08:00

Fell off the wagon again after that Saturday night binge :(

Back to work today again though, so fingers crossed I can get back into routine once again and get my weight going back in the right direction.

Got weighed today and was 15st 5lbs, eep.

Ive cancelled my weightwatchers membership, and am going it alone for the near future, so will see how that goes, I can always go back if im struggling.

Todays food:

Breakfast: special K & skimmed milk

Lunch: tin veg soup & 4 ryvita

Tea: ww chicken & dumplings, 2 slices bread with flora light

Snacks: small banana, packet ww crisps

Not So Good..

2011-02-19T23:52:00.000-08:00

...Yesterday. Saturday nights are officially my weak spot! I need to find myself something to do on a Saturday other than sit in front of the TV eating rubbish.

Breakfast - 2 slices toast with peanut butter and banana (this was really filling and kept me feeling more than full until lunch time)
Lunch - jacket potato and beans and salad (we ate out again!)
Dinner - baguette with lettuce, onion and steak and a little light mayo (this wasnt very good, the steak was cheap and very tough and it just didnt satisfy me, which could have led to me eating too much later)
Snacks - pineapple, grapes, strawberries (fruit salad in the afternoon). This evening it all went a bit wrong and i had a tin of rice pudding (shared it with Kieron, but i had more than half), 2 inches of french bread with margarine and jam, 2 slices of toast with marg and jam and a packet of WW crisps. So it could have been worse!

Food Today

2011-02-18T11:50:00.000-08:00

Breakfast - 1 and half slices toast with peanut butter and banana (this was lovely, I cant believe i've never thought of having it before!!)
Lunch - jacket potato and beans, with salad (lettuce, cucumber, mixed peppers and red onion)
Dinner - chicken chow mein
Snacks - alpen light bar

I took Kieron to a soft play place today, it was fab, we had such a good time. I felt like i'd done a heck of a workout though, as once I showed Kieron the slide, we had to climb up and slide down over and over and over and over and over (you get what I mean!). I stopped counting after the 17th time! I should sleep tonight, am shattered!

Today's Grub!

2011-02-17T11:12:00.000-08:00

Today ive had
Breakfast - same again (going to have something different tomorrow!!)
Lunch - wholemeal roll, lettuce, onion, chicken & some mayo (full fat mayo naughty naughty!)
Tea - Asda Good For You chicken hot pot
Snacks - large banana, alpen light bar

Also need to add an alpen light bar to yesterdays food too.

Havent done as well with the water today, only had 2 or 3 glasses I think, but was so busy at work, as Ive finished today for a week of with the little un! So, as im off for a week, this is when im going to have to really dig deep for my will power, fingers crossed I can avoid too much temptation.

Thanks Tim for the suggestion of what to do with hub's chocolate - I will try that next time! I have to add also that he ate the entire lot to himself, bleurgh! Even on the maddest of mad binges I dont think I could have eaten all that!

Going Good So Far!

2011-02-16T09:50:00.000-08:00

Thank you once again for the encouraging comments following my last post. Im not quiet there yet with my enthusiam, but my will power is kicking in good and strong, so fingers crossed my weight can start going back in the right direction now!

I want to record what I eat each day so I can look back so here goes:
Monday
Breakfast = Special K & skimmed milk
Lunch = ww soup & 3 ryvita
Tea/Dinner = chicken fajitas (chicken, peppers, onions, salsa & 2 tortilla wraps)
My daughter gave me a heart shaped lolly for Valentines Day so we shared that between us.

Tuesday
Breakfast - Special k & skimmed milk
Lunch = vegetable soup (tin of) & 4 ryvitas
Tea = one chicken breast, new potatoes & carrots
Snacks = large fruit salad (kept me going in the afternoon at work!), alpen light bar

Wednesday
Breakfast = Same
Lunch = Same as Tuesday
Tea = large portion penne pasta with tuna & light mayo
Snacks = large fruit salad again, packet ww crisps

Ive also been drinking water, lots of it, so getting much more exercise running to the loo all day!! Today ive had 6 large (or what I would call large anyway) glasses.

Had a sneaky weigh in, even though its only been 2 days, and ive already lost 3lbs, so feel like im getting back on track.

Husband doesnt help. Last night he went to the shop and came back with a large bag of Revels, 4 Boosts and some milky way choc bars, and spent a good 5 minutes waving them under my nose. Im glad to say i declined, and felt good about it afterwards! I also really really really wanted some peanut butter on toast (one of my face snacks), but managed to resist!

Oh. Eck!

2011-02-14T09:53:00.000-08:00

I went back to work today, my first day back since Barry died. I realise I have put on some weight so went and bought 2 pairs of size 16 trousers on Saturday (bearing in mind size 14 were too big before Christmas).

They dont fit. Eek.

So I went to get weighed at lunchtime today, find out how bad the damage is.

Eeek again, Worse than I thought.

15 st 2lbs.

Eek. Ive put on a stone in the just over 3 weeks since I went to the doctors. Over 2 stone since just before Christmas. Im disgusted at myself.

So

_____________________________________________________________

Thats my line drawn, its done, the damage is there and there's only one thing for it - get back on track. So im going to try to cut out all snacking, as this is my downfall and have 3 healthy meals a day.

Today has been - special K for breakfast, ww soup and 3 ryvita for lunch and we're having chicken fajitas for tea. Im not counting points, im just going to try this approach for a while, and I havent decided if im going back to meetings or not, dont really see the point if im not following their plan, but im not making any decisions just yet.

Happy Valentines Day. We wont be doing anything to celebrate, as usual!!

Emotional

2011-02-02T10:44:00.000-08:00

Im feeling all emotional tonight. I know its to be expected, I havent really felt it apart from when I very first found out about Barry dying.

He lived in a council flat, which was obviously boarded up after the police breaking in, and the lovely council wouldnt let us have access until we paid his rent up front. So we paid 2 weeks and we now have only until 11th February to sort out his flat. So there'll be no taking our time or doing it when we're ready. We went round today, and firstly I had to clean up where he had died, which wasnt pleasant. His glasses were on the floor, all bent out of shape, which got my heartstrings quite a bit. Also, the paramedics had left print outs from a heart machine of some sort and the pads they must have attached to him, lying on the floor, which was very distressing to find. His post mortem results came back yesterday too, he had an anuerysm in his brain, we are assured he would have died instantly and known nothing about it, which helps to know he didnt suffer. His funeral is next Tuesday.

We managed to sort all his clothes out. One thing for him, he was ridiculously neat and tidy!! This is good though as it makes it all much easier to sort his stuff out. There's just so much of it.

In other news, my friend Helen (who I was bridesmaid for last June), is pregnant and had her 3 month scan today. Im so so chuffed for her, it was seeing her scan picture today that made my tears start falling, a new little life just starting, when another has come to such a sudden end.

Weightwatchers - whats that?! Lets not go there, back to binging and eating far too much and gaining weight at a rapid pace. I'll get back to it once this week is over, i'll do it for Barry, he was sooo proud of me and I want to carry on making him proud.

Catch Up Time

2011-01-27T14:05:00.001-08:00

Day 1 went fantastically well, until 6.30pm when I cracked and binged :(

Day 1 hasnt happened again since.

I've had neuralgia (or so I thought) since before Christmas, ive really been suffering with pain in my face, I didnt realise how much it was getting me down. Well, I bit the bullet on Tuesday and went to the dentist in case it was a problem with my teeth. Came out minus one badly infected wisdom tooth and faceacheless, yay.

I went into work yesterday feeling like a new woman, raring to go again, my positiveness was back. ANd then my world came crashing down.

My mum's partner, Barry, my stepdad since I was 14, doesnt live with my mum any more but they were still a couple and were going on holiday tomorrow. They planned a shopping trip for yesterday, meeting at 12 to get some last minute bits and pieces. Barry didnt show up at 12, very unlike him as he's a stickler for timekeeping. By 130 my mum was worried enough to go check his flat, no answer but the windows were open and he wasnt answering his phone or buzzer. My mum rang me to see what she should do so I told her to ring the police for advice. They broke in and found that he'd passed away, some time since leaving my mum's house on Monday at 5.30. We still dont know whats happened but they think it was very sudden.

Im in shock, my mums in bits, we cant believe it. It has cured my binge eating for now though, I cant eat a thing.

RIP Barry, a very very special person 9.3.49 to 26.01.11 Night Night God Bless

A pic here I took of him at a childrens christmas disco in December, he was having such fun singing along to the kiddies music!!

Day 1

2011-01-22T01:38:00.000-08:00

So its Day 1 back on plan, its 9.40 am and I already feel like im struggling! Normally on day 1 I feel so empowered and raring to go and so positive. Right now I want crisps and chocolate, and to sit and eat nonstop like I have been doing.

Anyway so far I have had 4 points, porridge and milk. Im going to try really hard to stick at it, I know once i've got back into it the cravings will disappear and i'll be able to focus properly, and once I see the weight coming off again it'll keep me going.

AM going to try to get out for a walk today too, I havent been doing any exercise at all. It wont be easy with my 6 year old in tow, he gets upset by the end of the street, really doesnt like walking!!

As always, thank you all for your encouraging comments, im going to use them to spur me on and keep going.

FIngers Crossed!

2011-01-21T00:14:00.000-08:00

I think I may be back (again)! As you can probably gather from my lack of posting, things have not been too good. I have binged my way back to 200lbs (just over 14 stones). I have been struggling with feelings of depression and eating none stop. I can sit and eat solidly for 3 hours of an evening, even when i feel so sick. I finally went to the doctors yesterday to beg for help.

I told him I have an eating disorder. I realise most people would say that an eating disorder means you're skinny through not eating or from binging and being sick. Well, my food habits are not normal either and I have serious food issues going on. To gain 10lbs in 2 weeks is not healthy. My doctor was very impressed with how much weight i'd lost, he commented on it as soon as I walked into his office. He took me seriously, has prescribed me a low dose of antidepressants and promised me he will find me someone to talk to.

I am not going to do Propoints. I dont like it, I feel restricted by it. I was happy doing the old plan (Vintage Points or VP) so im going back to that. I will see how it goes for a couple of weeks, if im still not feeling happy, then im sorry weightwatchers but it'll be Slimming World for me.

Keep your fingers crossed for me that making the decision to follow VP is enough to get me through this blip and im soon back on my way to goal!

Official Weigh In

2011-01-07T06:20:00.000-08:00

I went to meeting last night, it was the first weigh in since 9th December, and i'd gained 9lbs! I was 13st 11 at Boots on Tuesday, but was 13st 6lbs last night, so i've either lost 5lbs since Tuesday or one of the sets of scales are a bit out!! As i've gone from eating all the crap I can get my hands on to sort of being good, I could very well have lost 5lbs since Tuesday.

Had another binge last night, but i think i got it out of my system! I had a HUGE Toblerone bar and made myself feel very sick!

So back onwards and inwards from today, thank you again for your encouragement! My initial target is to get the 9lbs i've gained off, by say mid Feb. Ive set myself a target of getting to goal weight by 12th July. Thats not a special date, i just pinched it off a friend of mine who is also aiming to get to goal by that date!!

Here Goes (I Think!)

2011-01-04T11:37:00.000-08:00

I think I am ready to get going again!

Thank you to you all who took the time to comment on my last post. I havent yet been to the doctors, im going to give it a week or so and see if I feel better once im back in my normal routine, both life/children/work wise and with the weightwatchers. If things still arent right then i'll be off to the docs.

I went and weighed myself at Boots today, so I can prepare myself mentally for weigh in on Thursday. My weight is 13st 11 lbs, or 193 lbs, which is a gain of 1 stone, or 14lbs. Im not thrilled about this but I was obviously expecting it, im just glad it wasnt more than a stone, i dont think I could have coped had it been more!! I've had a good day today, no naughty foods so fingers crossed im now ready to be back on track.

Need Help!

2010-12-31T02:17:00.000-08:00

I havent followed weightwatchers for weeks now. I dread to think how much weight ive put on. I havent been binge eating like I was before, but I am eating a heck of a lot and it is all things I shouldnt be eating. Im so fed up, im so depressed. I have struggled with depression in the past, and have been off anti depressants for over 2 years, but im going to have to go to the docs in the new year and see about go back on them. I really dont want to but im struggling with life and having silly, dangerous thoughts. I just hope I can sort myself out before I get to 22 stone again. I've worked too hard to gain it all back but I know how easily it can pile on. I need to sort my head out, but i dont want to sacrifice all my hard work in order to do that.

Hopefully i'll be back soon with my weightwatcher head back in place and feeling better about things.

Grrrr

2010-12-17T00:40:00.001-08:00

Ive put on this week. I dont know how much, I didnt go to weigh in. Ive been binge eating again :( I really dont know whats wrong with me, think im a little bit depressed in general.

Also, am off sick from work with what i think is neuralgia - basically - face ache. It hurts so much, going to try to get to docs today, see if i can get me some stronger painkillers as paracetamol are doing naff all. I also have at least 4 mouth ulcers to which are agony, but on the plus side I dont want to eat :)

Gain This Week

2010-12-10T04:59:00.000-08:00

I gained a lb this week. I knew I would have, I havent been sticking to this Propoints plan at all. Just cant get into it. Im going to go back on to the old plan until the new year, and then give Propoints a real try.

Feels good to be doing the old plan at the mo! I know what im doing and what I can have!

Yay!

2010-12-02T12:03:00.000-08:00

I dont know how but i've lost 2lbs this week!! I am more than happy with that as I havent had the best of weeks. I havent counted a point all week! So ive had a lucky escape, because i did overindulge at weekend. I ate loads of rubbish i shouldnt have eaten, but ive been good since Monday and have been going on the Wii Fit loads. I was hoping to stay the same so i could have danced with delight at the scales!!

Im now 12st 10lbs (or 178 lbs), i think this could be my lowest weight since I was school age, yay! Oh and i have new pyjamas - in a size 12-14, so chuffed, although my brain is still struggling to comprehend that im anywhere near a 12!!

Damage Limitation!

2010-11-29T01:13:00.000-08:00

I am going for damage limitation this week! This is why I no longer go out drinking, when I do, its not just the night that I go off the rails for, its the rest of the week, well it would be the rest of the week but im getting back on it today. I wasnt ill on Saturday but i was most definitely feeling the effects of a night on the vodka! I ate whatever I wanted on Saturday and havent counted a propoint all weekend!

Im off work today with a poorly little one, so desperately trying to get back on track. I have to admit though to being totally bored and fed up of counting points! Fingers crossed for a stay the same this week , and getting back to it from today.

Pic From Last Night

2010-11-27T02:42:00.001-08:00

Just thought i'd share a pic from last night, you dont really get the full effect of the "little black dress" as I didnt get a full length pic, but I thought I scrubbed up all right, and I got lots of compliments :)

Lost

2010-11-26T06:30:00.001-08:00

1 lb this week. Had a relatively good week. I had 11 of my weekly allowance points. Ive built up around 10 or so activity points, mainly through the walks i did, but ive also been on the WiiFit a couple of times.

Im going out tonight (shock horror!!), its a wedding reception - and im wearing a dress, eep! I havent wore a dress for years (apart from my wedding dress and the bridesmaid dress i wore in June!). Its a size 14, and if i get any half decent pics i will share!

Catch Up

2010-11-21T01:12:00.000-08:00

I havent been able to get on for a couple of days. Thursday I had all 29 (ive dropped a point!) of my daily points and same again Friday, still no weekly allowance touched.

I didnt make it swimming on Friday, it was a gorgeous sunny day so i decided to go for a walk instead of swim, and walked about 3.5 miles (4 activity points), on saturday I went for another walk, about the same distance, so 4 more activity points. ALso on Saturday I broke into my weekly allowance, had 7 points over my daily allowance. This was mainly because i did pasta and bolognase for tea and it worked out at 11 points (shock horror!!), need to find some lower alternatives!

Niiiiiiice One!!

2010-11-18T12:11:00.000-08:00

Those 11 lbs i gained last week = GONE!! I lost 11lbs this week, taking me back to 12 st 13lbs, im so glad to be back in the 12's, phew, that was scary being back in the obese category too!

Had a good day so far, should still come in under points and with none of my weekly allowance used.

Back to work tomorrow so the daily blogging might drop a bit, although i am finding it very helpful to write every day.

Day 6, Tick

2010-11-18T04:17:00.000-08:00

Day 6 went well! Once again i havent used any of the weekly points allowance, and managed to have a piece of birthday cake!

I did a buffet for Kierons birthday and didnt pinch any sausage rolls, pork pies, egg butties or ham butties, or mini pizzas! I kept my mitts off the various crisps and cakes too. While everyone else tucked in i made myself a fully pointed chicken sandwich! Another thing that has disappeared from my childrens parties is alcohol!! I now drink water or i'll have a coffee!

Looking forward to weigh in tonight, it'll be a bloody big improvement on last week, lol!

Day 5

2010-11-17T01:22:00.000-08:00

Day 5 was another good day. My weekly allowance remains intact! I have something to thank my children for - my lack of social life means no dipping into the extra allowance!!

I had all my 30 points again, and was feeling peckish last night but had no points left, so I had an apple and a satsuma. Im so loving the zero points values on fruit (I know, I know i keep repeating that!), but I am eating so much more fruit, it can only be a good thing!

In other news, my baby boy is 1 today!! I cant believe where the last year has gone too, its flown by. Here's some pics to compare now and then!!! His first ever picture taken and one I took on Sunday. Happy Birthday my precious gorgeous Kieron!!

Day 4

2010-11-16T02:26:00.000-08:00

Yesterday went well again. I had all 30 points, and once again none of my weekly allowance.

The funeral went ok, it was the strangest funeral though! There were 6 of us there, including the funeral director. We played Will Young, Evergreen as entrance music, then i said a few words, we played Mancunian Way by Take That as Dot was originally from Manchester and moved to Blackpool and theres a line about travelling the mancunian way, before the lights came and took us away - we thought fitting for Dot. Then my mum shared a few of her memories, as Auntie Dot was like a second mum to her, then we said the Lords Prayer and played Vera Lynn, We'll Meet Again. So very personal and touching, i hope we did her proud :)

I'm still of work so I finally went swimming this morning! I did 20 lengths of the 25 metre pool, it took me 25 minutes, and it was non stop. I did have a wobble when i got there and drove around the car park twice thinking "I cant do this". And when i was in the pool i had a brief moment of "everyones looking at the fat girl who obviously hasnt swam in years", but no one did really, its all in my very silly head!

Got a shock in the showers too. All the erm, older, ladies dont appear to have a care in the world, all stripped off and showering together! I kept my eyes to the front and my costume firmly in place :D

Day 3, In The Bag!

2010-11-15T00:19:00.000-08:00

Another good day yesterday. I once again had all 30 points and none of my weekly allowance. I even managed to have a piece of birthday cake, I worked out the propoints for 100g and then weighed a 30g piece out, it worked out at 2 propoints :).

Activity wise, well, I spent an hour ironing! I took Jake to his party at the swimming pool and spent an hour splashing around in there, so probably not really enought to earn any activity points, but at least I was moving around.

Had a few people round for Elliots birthday which involved cakes and crisps, but i didnt have any.

So, still going good. Today is Auntie Dot's funeral, i'm a bit nervous, she didnt want a minister or anything, so its up to one of us to say something. SHe only wanted family at the funeral, so thats me, my mum and my cousin Sharon. My mum will probably be too upset to speak and Sharon hasnt seen her for years and doesnt know her that well, so that leaves me. Im no good at speaking but there'll only be the few of us.

So Far, So Good!

2010-11-14T00:45:00.001-08:00

Day 2 done :) Once again i had all 30 points but none of my weekly allowance.

I went for a walk, but didnt go as far, still earned 2 activity points though. Not sure i'll get out today for a walk as Ihave a mountain of ironing to get through and its my eldest boys 9th birthday so have people coming round after. Need to get balloons and things up before he comes home from his dads, oh and wrap his presents, oops! Also Jake is going to a party this afternoon, its a swimming party though so i might get in with him, that's a bit of activity for me!

Had a sneaky peek at the Wii Fit last night and was 13 st 6lbs, so 4lbs down! Not sure how accurate that is, but its spurred me on anyway!

Day One - Tick!!

2010-11-13T01:26:00.001-08:00

I had a good day yesterday. Right back on track and im enjoying it!! Fruit tastes so much better now it has zero points allowance!

The swimming didnt happen, got to the pool and it was closed for school lessons. But, it will happen, I am not back in work now until next Friday so I intend to go at least twice before then, and have also decided im going to start going on my way home from work on a Friday, I finish at lunch time and my mum has Kieron so she wont mind an extra hour with him!

I went shopping, as I unpacked everything I worked out the new points values and put all my little stickers on that we were given in the meeting. I am on 30 points per day and yesterday I had all 30 points, but didnt use any of my weekly points. Had a mini disaster when I dropped our tea all over the floor, but I had already served part of mine up so it just meant the rest of the family had takeaway!!

My friend Helen called round a we decided to go for a "little" walk, and we managed 3 miles, and we both enjoyed it. Am going to attempt some more walking today, although I will have Jake, my 6 year old, and he doesnt like walking much!! While we were walking we discussed my binge eating. It all started with 2 mini mars bars on halloween night, and i think i was chasing that fix again. The one thing i didnt have during my binge was chocolate - but maybe that would have sorted my cravings, mmmm, I dont know!

Kick Up The Bum....Tick!

2010-11-12T00:26:00.000-08:00

Ok, so if anything is going to kick me up the backside and realise what i was doing to myself, its an 11lb gain. Ouch! I knew it was going to be bad and painful but bloody hell that hurt. Especially when the leader made a big deal of rechecking the scales to make sure they were right. Even though i told her i'd been bad and eaten everything in sight. She still seemed to think it was impossible to gain so much in 2 weeks.

Anyway, im raring to go this morning. I am fully armed with my calculator to go shopping and calculate the Propoints values of everything. I cant wait to have a banana or pear or some grapes knowing they're not costing me any points - it used to bug me having to spend 1.5 points on a banana when i could have a WW choc bar instead, lol!

But first, im going swimming! I am off work for a week, so I intend to get some me time in, once i've dropped Kieron off with childcare. The last time I swam was in 2007 on honeymoon, and that was just splashing around in the water really, today i intend to actually swim! Wish me luck!

Ive been awake since 4am planning receipes in my head! This new plan couldnt have come at a better time for me. New focus and something new to get my teeth into. Hopefully those 11lbs will very soon be vamooshed.

Ive also cleaned up the Wii Fit and am going to get reacquainted with it over the coming weeks. Weighed in last night and it is pretty accurate to the WW scales so will give me an idea how im doing over the next week.

Bum

2010-11-11T12:28:00.001-08:00

Arse

Crap

11lbs on

I certainly know how to binge eat :(

Aaaaarrrrgggghhhh!

2010-11-10T01:36:00.000-08:00

STOP IT GEMMA!

*kick* *up* *the* *backside* *BOOM*

I cant stop eating :( Im shovelling it in without even thinking about what im doing. Dreading weigh in tomorrow, but i know i'll have gained weight and hopefully it will kickstart me back into positive weight loss mode again. New plan = new start, fingers crossed.

Now wheres that needle and thread in the meantime to sew my bloody gob up............

Bad Week

2010-11-06T06:20:00.000-07:00

Ive had a terrible week. Ive got a cough which has kept me awake every night since Monday, Sunday night I was up throwing up all night, Sat night i was up with Kieron all night. My Great Auntie Dot passed away on Thursday, so ive had all sorts running through my brain since then. My mum and I will be sorting everything out for her, as we are the only family she still has. We got to see her before she passed which meant a lot as for the last 5 years or so she refused to let us visit her. She would talk on the phone and write, but when she agreed to see us on Thursday we were over the moon. She died just 4 hours after we left her. RIP Doris 12.12.1916 - 04.11.2010 :)

Im on a binge eat at the moment, it started on Thursday and im just eating so much crap its untrue. I dont want to do it, its like a compulsion, an itch that has to be scratched with bad food and the badder the better.

Will be back when im back on track and feeling positive!

Yay Squeal OMG!

2010-10-28T12:21:00.000-07:00

Oh My God!
Oh My God!
Oh My God!

Im in the 12's!! I am 12st 13lbs! I lost 2 lbs this week. I got my 19th silver seven and have now lost 9st 8lbs!! For any who dont deal with lbs and stones, thats almost 61 kgs!!

Thank you to all who have taken the time to comment on my blog over time, and especially on my last post, some really nice comments there and it feels fab to know that others see me as an inspiration!

I bought a size 14 dress to wear to a wedding at the end of November, and it was pointed out to me that it may be too big by then. My brain will not comprehend this thought, I cant think that i could possibly be a size 12!! I have never in my adult life wore a size 12. Its scary, but the thought that I could go and but a size 12 is such a thrill too. I would never have thought it remotely possible 2 years ago :D

Happy 2 Years To Me!!

2010-10-23T05:39:00.000-07:00

It is 2 years today since i joined weightwatchers, for the last time!!

I have joined weightwatchers, not to mention slimming world and rosemary conley, many times, in order to battle my weight.

In 2007, leading up to my wedding, in August 2007, I lost 3 stones, going from 21 and 1/2 stones to 18 and 1/2 stones. I felt good on my wedding day, and vowed to continue to go to weightwatchers as soon as the honeymoon was over.....

......fast forward to October 2008, 14 months married and I was a mess. I had gone up to my biggest ever weight, and my health was affected. My periods had more or less stopped, i only had 2 cycles in the whole of 2008. I was wearing size 28 clothes and almost bursting out, but i refused to go up to 30. My breathing sounded awful, if i walked across the room, I would be sweating and breathing heavily. People looked worried if i stopped to talk to them, they thought I was about to keel over, I gasping for breath so much. I spent every spare moment I had in bed, sleeping, I didnt have the energy to do anything else.

In September 2008, i went to the hospital about my lack of periods, and was told very bluntly that I needed to lose weight.

One day in October I had to ask my 9 year old daughter to put on my shoes and socks for me. I was mortified, embarressed and disgusted I had let myself get so bog. That day was 2 years ago today. I went to weightwatchers that very night, weighed in at 22 stone 7 lbs (315lbs). I was horrified at having my weight confirmed, but not surprised. I had gained 4 stone in 14 months. Looking back and trying to work out my points im not surprised, I was having around 60 points a day (at least!)

My first week I lost 5lbs, but gained some confidence in myself! By the end of month 1 I had lost 14 lbs. It took a while for the results to start showing in my appearance, but from the inside I was thrilled. By the end of January, I had lost 37lbs (including losing over Christmas and New Year!!) and by body kickstarted back into action with my periods restarting (TMI I know, but its important!). In March, I realised they had stopped again and something didnt feel right! Turns out I was pregnant with baby no 4! I weighed 18 st 11.5lbs when I found out I was pregnant. Panic set in, how could i possibly go through pregnancy without piling on all that weight again, and ending up even heavier?

I spoke to my leader, who informed me I wasnt allowed to do the plan while pregnant. I thought I was scuppered, how could I do it without her support? I stuck to the plan for the next 3 weeks, and then chronic sickness set in. I was sick up to 15 times a day at first, then while on meds it reduced to a more manageable 3/4/5 times a day! Horrible to cope with and it made me miserable, but it resulted in me weighing in at 19 st 1 lb the day before i was to be induced. So only a gain of 3.5lbs, Kieron weighed in at 9lbs 5 oz on 17th November 2009.

I rejoined ww in January 2010, weighing 17 st 13.5lbs! I have stuck to it ever since and my goal is becoming much closer!

So now, I am 132lbs lighter, I am wearing size 14 clothes, I have confidence I havent had for a long time. I can put on my own shoes and socks! I fit in the bath and can shave my legs while in there without feeling Im about to pass out! I have lots of energy, I can play with my children. I can fit on a swing and swing higher than my children (and feel so free while doing it!) Im learning lots about cooking healthier food, and enjoying trying new things. I have my picture taken without cringing or hiding from the camera.

Theres a way for me to go yet, but even 2 years on im more determined than ever to get there and to feel even better than I do now!

Weigh In

2010-10-21T13:05:00.000-07:00

Weigh in again! Have had a good week, stuck to plan, not done very much in the way of exercise, not as much as I would like anyway, but i managed to lose half a pound this week (not bad considering ladies issues!! sorry TMI, but it can and does make a difference!!)

So total gone 132 lbs, total left to lose 23lbs!

Spooooooooooky!

2010-10-16T00:01:00.000-07:00

Went to the children's schools halloween disco last night! We had a great time! I had a bit too great a time and got a little bit tipsy! Its very rare for me though so it made a nice change!

Things is, not only did I have the confidence to get up and dance, I also didnt hide away in a corner all night, as I used to. AND, I also went in fancy dress!! I got loads of comments from people who havent seen me for a while, one woman kept walking past giving me funny looks, I thought she maybe didnt like my halloween costume, turned out she couldnt think if it was really me or not!

Gosh Shocked Face

2010-10-14T12:15:00.000-07:00

AHem, weigh in time again. Im down 3 lbs!! WOOT WOOT!

I have been extra good this week to compensate for binging on Saturday night. I didnt point my binge but guessed at 20 points, maybe i overguessed, but whatever i did, it worked!

Im now 13 st 1.5 lbs!! Wow! Its coming up to my 2nd anniversary of joining weightwatchers (this time!) and im still going strong and ever so close to goal. Only 23.5lbs to go!

Thought it about time I updated my "current pic" shot so thats at the side ------------>

These Boots Were Made For Walking....

2010-10-13T10:41:00.000-07:00

A NSV today :)

I bought a pair of almost knee height boots! This may not seem a big deal, but to me, having so many years morbidly obese I am thrilled. Never have I been able to buy a pair of boots that go anywhere past ankle height, unless i go to "a store for the larger lady". They would never fit over my massive fat calves.

So to try some on and have them fit in a "normal" persons shop is a blinking good feeling. Now i just need to find summat to wear them with.

Incidentally, while talking about boots/feet - I always used to wear size 8 shoes, and they were tight, now im a comfy size 7, so some excellent shrinkage of me feet there!! Lol!

Ooooh ooooh oh and ...... size 16 are now too big for me, but size 14 dont yet fit, so I am now officially a size 15 in clothes :)

Oooops, I Did It Again :(

2010-10-10T08:08:00.000-07:00

Rarrrr at myself! Yesterday (well last night) i started eating and for some silly reason could not blinkin well stop. I havent tracked it all cos i lost count, but think i may have gone 15-20 points over. I wasnt hungry and knew i shouldnt have been eating it all, but did that stop me, NO!

Im fed up of this, why do I do it to myself.

Feeling better today as we just got back from Ingleton Waterfalls, 4.5 miles walked, plus most of it is up steps and hills, so that should get rid of some of the overeaten points. Plan is to try to have only 18 points a day from now until Weds, and fingers crossed by Thursdays weigh in i'll have eradicated the damage.

Wi Time Again

2010-10-07T12:50:00.000-07:00

Once again Thursday has skyrocketed around, and its weigh in time. I've lost half a pound this week. Which is ok, not great, not rubbish, just ok! Ive had a good week, and it is half a pound in the right direction.

26.5 lbs to go to target :)

NSVs!!

2010-10-02T01:37:00.000-07:00

I went shopping on Thursday, i bought clothes - trousers and a blouse for work - in a size 14!! They are still an ickle bit too small, but i can get in them and fasten them, they just look a little silly! Wont be long though!

Also, my old jeans! My old staple, the only clothes i could wear at one point (outside of work that is), size 26-28. And I now fit in one leg of them!

Weekly News

2010-09-30T12:11:00.000-07:00

I seem to only be reporting back on weigh ins at the moment! I havent really got a lot else going on at the moment to report on!

I lost 1lb this week. Ive been good and stuck to plan so a pound will do!

I went back to my old high school on Tuesday to have a look round for my daughter starting next September. It was so strange! Like stepping back in time, but it was soooo different too, i couldnt beleive how much its changed. Anyway the good thing is that Olivia is now looking forward to going, whereas before she went she didnt want to go there.

Woop Woop :)

2010-09-23T12:50:00.000-07:00

Well, having the class tracker seems to have done the trick for me!! I lost 4.5lbs this week! Yay yay yay!! Taking my total to 127 lbs, or 9 st 1 lb!! Am over the moon and back with that result.

SO what did i do different!!? I track every week so having the class tracker surely wouldnt make that much difference. Wrong!! As i knew other people would be seeing my tracker this week i made a concious effort to vary my foods, tomake sure i got my 5 portions of fruit vegy stuffs every day (most days having way more!). I also bought the "Fabulous & filling" recipe book and made a couple of things out of there. I made some 0 points soup to have, which lasted me from Saturday til today, and was gorgeous and filling!

It was my daughters 11th birthday yesterday, and i did all the same foods that i pigged out on last week. But because i had the tracker, i didnt have any of it. I had a ww ready meal instead, but treated myself to a crispy chocolate cookie and a chocolate orange brownie - both made from the recipe book, total of 2.5 points for both!!

Feeling fab and focussed and ready to go again!! Only 2 stones to go to my target :)

Another Bad Week..

2010-09-19T13:12:00.000-07:00

....last week! I was so angelic from Friday to Monday afternoon. It was my son Jake's 6th birthday on Monday, and i bought carrot sticks and humous for me to munch on.

Except I overidulged on mini pizzas, mini sausage rolls, potato wedges, cocktail sausages, pork pies, and to top it all off a jaffa cake bar and generous slice of birthday cake. Oh, and i forgot the onion rings and cheese puffs :/

This then led to me carrying on being "naughty" for the rest of the week, including all day Thursday. Got to scales and had gained 1.5 pounds, which I dont think was too bad after everything I put away. Im just hoping the "true" damage doesnt catch up to me this weeks weigh in.

I have the class tracker this week. Everyone who has had it so far has lost weight, and usually a good weight loss too, so no pressure!! I have been so so good so far, and hopefully having this tracker for the week will help me get back on track. Its my daughters birthday on Wednesday, so fingers crossed i can resist all the bad foods, and just eat my own meal that im going to make seperate from their "party" nibbles!

Overweight!!

2010-09-11T00:22:00.001-07:00

Check out my ticker!! My BMI is now 29.9, im overweight! No longer obese!

This could all change next week though, I pigged out and binged my way through last week. Fell off the wagon in spectacular style. Scared me really as I thought I had all my food demons beaten, it seems not, they are still there, and they can come back to get me sometimes. But i've knocked them all on the head (I hope), again for a while and as of yesterday I am back pointing and tracking.

Weigh in - I lost a pound! I have no idea how, but due to all the binging I am not going to be surprised if I have a gain next week, even though I plan on being good!

I suppose what i should have done is come here to my blog or log on to the boards, I m sure that would have encouraged me to stop the binging, but i didnt think of it. I didnt think of anything other than what i could shove in my mouth next. I just don't understand why i do it, rarrr!

Bah!

2010-09-08T04:39:00.000-07:00

Having a bad week! Lost half a pound last week, will be totally unsurprised if i get away with a small gain this week! Hormones and emotions have resulted in me having a 2 day binge, but im now back to being good (although i haven't started tracking again - will do that after Thursdays weigh in!)

Not Got Much Time...

2010-08-28T05:31:00.000-07:00

... but thought i'd nip on while I have a few mins to report this weeks weigh in - I lost half a pound. Very very pleased with that after my excesses last Saturday/Sunday!! I was hoping i'd scrape by with a STS!

My mum has been struggling the last 3 weeks and has stayed the same. I kept trying to advise her, and found that she was having only 15 points ish a day, instead of the 21 she is allowed. So i told her to try 21 points for a week and see what happens, I also gave her a lesson on her WW scales, so she started weighing/tracking last Monday, and come Thursday weigh in - she lost 2.5lbs!! So just goes to show that tracking might be boring and seem like hard work to keep on top of - BUT IT WORKS!! So she finally got past that 1 stone barrier. She goes on holiday in a week though, so no doubt she'll put a little back on, especially all inclusive!!

Im ever so close to my BMI being <30, im nearly overweight! Yay!

Weekend!

2010-08-22T12:15:00.000-07:00

Well its been a strange weekend, having only one child at home, I dont know what to do with myself!

Darren and I went out for an Indian last night. I think i chose quiet well, I had shamee kebab starter, and tandoori chicken for main. It was lovely! I also had quiet a lot of wine! A whole bottle with the meal, then we went for a few drinks and i had 4 wines. A lot for me these days, being virtually teetotal! I declined any dessert too, despite them looking sooooo good! But i was full, and unlike the old days i dont eat when im already stuffed. Before WW, i'd have had onion bhajis and poppadoms to start, a chicken korma with a full portion of pilau rice, and probably a dessert too!

Today I have been rough, rough, rough! I threw up during the night, so most of meal came back - i hadnt pointed it but im not sure if i would have needed to as i didnt keep it! (Sorry for way too much info there!) Today, ive had 2 glasses of full fat pepsi, a 500ml strawberry milkshake and toast with jam on to try to combat the hangover! Ive also had a sunday lunch - loads of veg tho and not much meat! Anyway i dont have the energy for pointing today, therefore i've had the whole weekend off tracking, back to it tomorrow, and hoping for damage limitation by Thursday!

Weekly Round Up!

2010-08-20T23:48:00.000-07:00

I havent been able to get here all week, ive been so busy and so tired!

Very important things first, weigh in - i lost 1/2 a pound. Am happy with that, its in the right direction, and after all the cough sweets and medicines i've been having I wasnt too sure how it would go.

I've had a very emotional week, kicked off by 2 weeks of not a lot of sleep. Which resulted in me having some sort of breakdown at work, through sheer exhaustion. I felt like I could no longer function! Anyway as the week has gone on i've gradually caught up on sleep and am feeling much better.

Something im very proud of this week is that I didnt comfort eat! I was feeling so down, and in the past would have binged on crap food. But my head wouldnt let me do it! I just thought to myself that if i did, I would feel 10 times worse afterwards. So I feel i've beaten a few food demons this week and am so proud of myself. Maybe, finally, just possibly, after all these years I have finally cracked it :)

On Thursday, it was getting on for 8.30 before i got chance to eat, and I have nothing in so i went out to get a kebab (a chicken one so wouldnt have been TOO bad!), but I walked past the kebab shop and bought a WW meal instead! Arent I good?! Main reason though is because me and hubby are going out for a meal tonight, for our anniversary, and i intend to eat whatever i feel like, no point counting tonight! We only have baby at home until Monday night, so should be a quiet weekend! Olivia and Elliot are off on holiday with their dad until next Friday and Jake has gone to Butlins with his Nanna and Grandad. Peace and quiet, ahhhh!

Weigh In Update

2010-08-12T11:57:00.000-07:00

It was a good result, i lost 2lbs this week! Very pleased with that, am now weighing in at 13 st 11.5lbs. I still cant believe im saying that i am 13 st something!! Woop woop!

It's Thursday!

2010-08-12T00:41:00.000-07:00

I have no idea what to expect at weigh in later!

Last Thursday I was ill after WW meeting so Thursday and Friday I was very much drastically under points. I think i had 10 points in total on Friday.

On Sunday we did the Ingleton Waterfalls trail again, which I enjoyed, and didnt find it as difficult as the first time we did it.

Ive had a cough/sore throat/cold since weekend too. The cough has got considerably worse the last 2 days so yesterday I was scoffing cough sweets all day, so havent a clue how they will affect things.

The weather is awful, so despite having been off work for 2 weeks i have done no exercise whatsoever. Im going to have to find something else to do other than walking, but thats not easy with 4 children around who all want to do different things.

Im also well and truly shattered, I haven't been sleeping with the coughing, and Tuesday night only got a little bit of sleep from approx 2.30 til 5.45, up with Kieron. Last night Jake and Kieron took it in turns to be up through the night, Kieron just playing! And Jake being sick, bleurgh!

Will report back later on Weigh In result.

Better Now!

2010-08-07T01:48:00.000-07:00

Urgh I was rough on Thursday night! It came over me so suddenly, i was sat at the WW meeting and stood up to leave and started feeling a little sick. So that was 7.30pm, by 9pm i was being sick, and it carried on all night. Yesterday i was still rough, more tired than anything, and a banging headache. Got through the day on 4 slices of toast with jam on! The only thing i felt safe enough to eat!

If ever i needed a reminder not to get pregnant again, that was it!! I had 7 months of feeling like that while I was pregnant, and i cant believe it became a way of life i got so used to it!

My mum stayed the same this week, but isnt following the plan properly at all! She wasnt eating enough, having about 15 or 16 points per day, when she should be on 21. So this week she cut back even more, she doesnt believe me when i tell her if she eats more she will loose weight!!

Quickie

2010-08-05T13:10:00.000-07:00

A very quick post this week as i am feeling well and truly awful. Feel very very sick :(

Lost 3lbs so am very excited as im now in the 13s.

More when feeling better

Weigh In News

2010-07-30T11:08:00.000-07:00

Weighed in yesterday, lost 1lb this week. Very pleased with that, as I didnt feel as though I'd lost anything this week. Ive stuck to plan all week, so no reason why i shouldnt have lost (although it is TOTM again! Comes round quick!). I'm just have a blaaaaarrr week, where im feeling like I cant be bothered and i want to eat everything in sight! I havent done though!

My mum weighed in too, she lost 2lbs this week, she has 1lb to go now to her first stone off.

I bought some chippy chips last night on the way home from WW. One portion split between the three children, and i had about 10 myself. Just to see what they taste like - i have craved them a couple of time recently. Im glad I tried them, because i probably wont bother again! I didnt enjoy them at all, and i dont know if it was my imagination, but my jaws ached while i was eating them! Must be all the grease, Ugh, wont bother again!

On the NSV front, I was getting in the bath the other night and caught sight of myself, well to be more precise, of my bare bottom - and for the first time in a hell of a long time, i thought, mmmmm not bad!!

Ingleton Waterfalls Trail

2010-07-25T11:43:00.000-07:00

Myself and Darren went to Ingleton Waterfalls today. Theres a lovely trail you can follow, its 4.5 miles (8km), and there are lots of steps, some more steps, a few steps, a couple of hills, oh and did I mention the steps!

It is a lovely area with some fantastic views. Im so glad I am now able to do trails of this nature, i certainly wouldn't have been able to do this, probably even 2 stones ago. My old favourite walk up to Rivington Pike is soooooo so tame compared!

Some pics from our day, it really is a spectacular area!!

Weigh In Again!

2010-07-22T12:21:00.000-07:00

Gosh, weigh in defo comes round quick every week! Anyways, i lost 2lbs this week. Im very pleased with that, was expecting half a pound after a sneaky peek on the Wii!!

WHen updating my weight charts a few minutes ago i realised something quiet exciting!!

I AM UNDER 200lbs!!!! YAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!

Another One Down!!

2010-07-15T12:57:00.001-07:00

I lost 2lbs this week, taking me to 8 st 1.5lbs lost, woop woop! So pleased. Thats silver 7 number 16! I've only got another 6 silver 7s to go to my target weight!

I have had a good week so was hopeful for a good result. I did the 10k on Saturday, went belly dancing on Monday, and have had a couple of hour long sessions on Wii Fit Plus. Ive also stayed within my points all week.

ANother thing - onions - red ones to be precise! I cant get enough of them! I never used to eat an onion unless it was deep fried in batter and leaking grease all over my 12 inch pizza! I though onions were vile - now, im asking for extra onions, and adding onions to almost everything i eat! Love em!! Another example of how much my food tastes have changed :)

I Did It!!

2010-07-10T14:05:00.000-07:00

I completed my Race For Life! It took me 1 hour and 45 minutes, which I was very pleased with! I was hoping to come in under 2 hours and did so! The most difficult bit was from 6km to 8km, a lot of it was uphill with the 8km marker being right at the top of a hill from hell! The hill was so steep that at the beginning of the race (approx 2 km) I had to run down it! The only bit of the race i did run!

Anyway, heres a pic of me just coming up to the finish line! I'll defo do it again - maybe jogging next time, we'll see!!

Race For Life

2010-07-10T00:04:00.001-07:00

Todays the day :)

ALl my nagging finally paid off and Darren isnt working, so today Im doing a 10k Race For Life (although i wont really be racing!!).

Great Result!

2010-07-08T13:48:00.000-07:00

Am very very pleased after weigh in this week! I've stuck to my points and been doing lots of walking again this week, and finally it paid off, after a few slow weeks! I lost 4lbs this week, so very very chuffed to pieces! Only half a pound to 8 stone gone now - woop woop!

On another, not so very happy note, i am not happy at all! Im supposed to be doing my 10k Race For Life this Saturday. An event I have been building up to and planning for 4 months. An event my husband knows all about and has heard about for the last 4 months. He's been told he HAS to work (which i dont believe a word of - I think he WANTS to work, something always comes up when im doing something for ME). So, i have no one to watch the children (ive asked everyone i can think of), therefore i can now not do my Race For Life. I am sooooooo upset its untrue.

There isnt just this issue, theres many many things that are winding me up about him at the moment. He really is so selfish, and i had to get some of it out before I scream, rant and rave.

Ooooh Baby The Hips Dont Lie!

2010-07-05T13:24:00.000-07:00

Ive just been belly dancing! ANd my hips wont be lying to me in the morning, in fact I think they're going to be shouting at me! Ooooh Im going to feel that in the morning!

I used to go belly dancing three years ago, whilst on one of my less successful stints at weightwatchers. I really enjoy it, i dont know why I stopped going. I took Olivia with me as I thought it would be good for us to have some mummy/daughter time together.

Two NSVs while i was there too! First one is that I didnt have to stop to catch my breath and guzzle water after the warm up! In fact i didnt have to stop all the way through. Second NSV isthat when doing the stretches I could do the standing on one leg holding your leg up stretch! I couldnt do this before as I couldnt reach my foot to hold it up!