Changes

I've made a few changes, still playing around so things may change again!

I took on board the comments after my last post, and have decided to brighten things up a little around here. I've taken off my ticker as there's not much point in it being there at the moment!

I've changed the name of my blog to GemsStory, rather than GemsWWStory, as theres not much WW going on at the moment. I'm not too sure yet what, if anything, i'll be talking about! I have so much going around in my head right now, but i'm going to try to use this blog to "get well" again.

I'm leaving my pics up for now to remind of what I can do when I'm well and coping and life is good and that life won't always feel this crap :)

Erm - Hello!

Yes I went awol again. Still haven't sorted my head out, still gaining weight. I just don't know what to do to get myself out of this rut.

Someone called me a "fat cow" the other day. Wow, that hurt. I mean, I know i've gained a lot of weight and I am hugely overweight again, but to overhear someone say that, it was a sharp slap in the face.

It's led to me having a total breakdown the last 2 days. None stop crying, and the worst thing, instead of giving me a kick up the backside, i've eaten loads. Can't stop shoveling it in :(

Rarrrr I hate me :(

Behaving Myself!

First of all , thank you to Tim for such a lovely comment on my last post :)

My kick up the arris on Saturday seems to have done the trick so far! I have been eating healthier, and I have cut out all the rubbish (cakes, pastries, chocs, crisps, bombay mix, cola/cherryade), haven't had any all week so far.

I got the courage together to weigh myself on Sunday, on the Wii, and as expected I have gained 3 stones, since April :/ Im now back up to 18.5 stone or 258 lbs.

I think my body is on a crash down from it all though, I have been having headaches, and my stomach, without going into TMI, is off! Probably withdrawals from the thousands of calories and all the sugar/fats I was scoffing.

SO you can get an idea of what I was eating on a typical day (im doing this to shock myself too, it always looks worse written down)

Breakfast - 2 toasted teacakes drowning in butter

Morning snack - banoffee flapjack

Lunch - sandwich (usually a large baguette), or 2 pasties, followed by a cake or danish pastry

Afternoon stodge (too much for a snack) - packet crisps (usually a big Grab Bag), bar of choc (normal size), can of cherryade/cola. I have been known to buy 3 iced fingers or large cookies and eat them all

Dinner - lots of takeaways, either chicken burger & chips, or Mighty Meaty (10 imch) pizza, with onion rings & garlic bread, or a chinese/indian

Evening - packet bombay mix or large bag crisps, large bag M&M's or family size choc bar, and sometimes a double pack of cake (choux buns, new york cheesecake, raspberry turnovers)

Yak

Been AWOL and Struggling

So its almost 3 months since my last post. I fell totally off the WW wagon, yet again. I have binged my way back to an unhealthy weight, i'm now struggling to get into size 22 clothes.

Yesterday I went to a meet off a forum i'm a member of, and having seen the photos ive realised what i've done to myself.

So im giving myself a big kick up the arris to do something about this, it cant carry on. I know a lot of this is emotional eating, its my way of "self harming" I suppose. I need to sort my head out, am going to try to find a counsellor to help me. I want to try to avoid taking any medication.

I havent weighed myself, i'm too ashamed :(

Week 3 Weigh In

3rd week on plan, and I lost 1lb this week, taking my total to 10lbs in 3 weeks, which is overall, a good loss. However, I still couldn't help feeling disappointed after all the work I put in this week

I ate all my 33 daily points allowance, only 4 of my 49 weekly allowance, and I also did loooooooooads of exercise, really putting in the effort. So I thought I would have a 2-3lb loss this week.

Right now, im really struggling with the urge to binge. I am fighting it, but I feel like im weakening! Part of doing this entry now is to try and talk myself out of it! I know I dont need to eat anything other the meals I already have planned. Why is this sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bloody hard?

Lovely Weekend!

The sun has shone all weekend and its been lovely! I played outside with the children yesterday afternoon. Wore myself out bouncing around on the trampoline!!

I went to the cinema last night with Olivia and Elliot, we watched Rio, I thought it was really good! It cured me of my Saturday night binge-fests too. I had a Dr Pepper zero, and no food!

Today, Olivia, Elliot and I went to Ingleton Waterfalls and walked the trail. Ive mentioned it before on here, it is a 8km trail around some waterfalls, with some spectacular views, and hundreds of blinking steps!! The weather was gorgeous, although possibly a little bit too hot for climbing all those steps!

A couple of pics!!

Olivia and Elliot sat on "The Money Tree" - which is a fallen tree upon which lots of people have placed money into the bark. I love

this picture!!

This waterfall is called Thornton Force and is the biggest of the falls. We had our picnic overlooking this.

Elliot is halfway up the steepest climb here, climbing to the top of Thornton Force. This part of the trail is

reeeeeeallllllllly hard!!

This is me, as we start the downward descent, and very relieved I was too. I think this could be Beezley Falls in the background.

So we are shattered but feeling good. AND I have survived a WHOLE weekend without binging!

Stupid Wii Fit!!

Yesterday I went into Bolton (my local town centre), on the bus, for a little walk round. Just as I got there, it came over the radio on the bus that all buses to the town centre had been stopped for the foreseeable future, due to an "incident". It turned out this was a bomb scare, and half the town was cordoned off. So I had a nice surprise walk home (roughly 3.5 miles I think!). Never mind, the thought of racking up activity points kept me going!

I ate really well yesterday, I had toast with peanut butter and banana for breakfast, soup and ryvita for lunch, a huge salad and a WW meal for dinner, and snack wise I had a WW chocolate bar, an apple and after dinner a WW dessert. I ended the day 3 points under my allowance,

Last night I did workout 4 on the ea Active 2 (im really enjoying this!!), and a step class workout too, so about 30 minutes of moderate to high exercise.

I then got on the Wii Fit and had apparently gained 3lbs!!! I have now fallen out with the stupid thing, I dont think I could have gained 3 lbs in 1 day if i'd have gone on the biggest of all binges, so I certainly havent after the day I had yesterday!