Sunday, 30 October 2011

Still Exhausted & Other Things

I still seem to be in a permanent state of exhaustion. Like really really tired.

I was on annual leave when i last posted, then the week after I rang in sick at work. I had a tummy upset but it was nothing that would have normally kept me off work. I just couldn't face it. I spent the whole week (well from 8.30am to 1.30 pm each day) in bed. I managed to drag myself back in to work the last two weeks, but it is tough going.

I seem to feel ok for about a week to 10 days, then i'll crash again and for a week - 10 days I feel like crap. the tears start and don't stop. I think they just dry up eventually, then build up supply again for a week or so before they start again. Today is the start of a slump.

I'm not taking the tablets (so not really doing much to help myself). I think i'm bigger now than when I started WW just over 3 years ago. Jake said the other night that "I was nice when I was thin and not sad all the time", that hurt. But it didn't hurt enough to stop me bloody well eating.

I can't cope with my children, I don't have the energy to be a mum, it all seems too hard and i'm crap at it.

As soon as i get up in a morning, i'm counting the minutes until I can go to sleep again.

Have an appointment with works doc on Tues, see if they've got a magic wand, it's what I need.

Wednesday, 5 October 2011


Wow, i've not felt this tired before, except during early pregnancy, that's a tiredness like none on earth! But, no, I am most definitely not pregnant, I just feel so exhausted. Like everything aches, i'm so tired!

Kieron's surgery went well yesterday. He has had a right orchidopexy (sounds dead complicated doesn't it!), but it's basically pulling his testicle down in to his scrotum as it hadn't descended as it should (can't remember if I previously said what the op was!). He two cuts, one on his tummy, one on his "googlies", as we call them! His surgeon did say the testicle was very high, and because the blood vessels attached are pulled so taut now there is a risk it could retract again, meaning more surgery, also the blood vessels could die, meaning the testicle does too, so fingers crossed for none of that happening. Check up in 3 months.

It usually takes 35 mins to get to Alder Hey, so we set off at 6.30am, giving us an hour and a half. We still got stuck, it took us an hour and 15 minutes to go 10 miles, one hour of that to go 1 mile! Shocking traffic. Anyway we got there only 20 minutes late at 8.20. I had to go with Kieron to theatre while they popped him of to sleep, was horrible and I bawled my eyes out. I thought something had gone wrong because his breathing went strange. He was fine within an hour of waking up, I was told to try him with a drink and some food, and it's a good job I took some with me, they came back after an hour to ask if he's eaten, even though they didn't actually offer us anything for him! He was soon wrecking the ward so we were kicked out pretty quick!

Last night I slept from 9.15 to 7am, then fell asleep with Kieron this morning from 10 to 12, and I still feel sooooo tired. Kieron seems fine today, although his "bits" are very bruised, and he can't have a bath until Sunday (ha ha no chance of lasting that long before he's desperate for one!), his dressings have come off anyway, and how am i supposed to keep his nappy area dry?

Saturday, 1 October 2011

Tablets Now!

I finally picked up my tablets on Thursday. Yak, i've felt ill ever since the first one. All day yesterday my head was pounding (which, to be fair, I might've had a headache anyway), and things kept moving when I looked at them (walls and things!) I took the second one last night and was in bed 30 mins later, 8.30pm! So we'll see what today brings!

I haven't felt too bad this week actually. The non stop crying seems to have stopped, and the only time I felt anxious was before setting off to Alder Hey for Kieron's appointment. I have now convinced myself though that something is going to go wrong on Tuesday! All sorts of crazy thoughts going through my head, from the car breaking down, to getting stuck in traffic, to something actually going wrong in the op.

Went to the cinema on Weds, watched Crazy, Stupid, Love. It was ok. I'd recommend it when it's on tele if theres nothing else on at the same time! It's had great reviews, but I found it a bit slow going. I do like to not have to concentrate too much when at the cinema, but this was beyond easy watching!