Wednesday 21 September 2011

Bad Day

Had a real downer of a day. All too common at the moment. Today was the 3rd day out of 5 (since last Thursday) that I have been in tears at work. The tears were already rolling down my face when my alarm went off this morning, and they didn't stop all day. Not quite a full on waterfall, just a constant trickle. If anyone is "nice" to me, the tears start again, so I need everyone to be horrible, haha. (And then i'd get all paranoid that everyone hates me and i'm horrible and don't deserve to be liked, so maybe nice is better, I don't know, my head hurts).

I've made an appointment to see the doc on Monday. I've been gradually getting more depressed over the last 12 months, and i've hit the point now where if I don't do something to help myself, i'll do something silly instead.

I want Barry (my stepdad) back. He "got" me like no one else seems to, and I knew that if I said something to him that sounded stupid to everyone else, that he would understand, he's had the same thoughts as me. He's given me many a pep talk, one of them being last December when I tried to jump in front of a car. I miss him lots :(
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3 comments:

  1. Tim21 September 2011 at 13:25

    I know Barry isnt here anymore but i'm sure he would be the first one to tell you not to do anything silly. You're a great person, you just need to find that feeling inside of you where you realise that too. I think you've done a good thing to make an appointment to see the doc even if it's just to chat about how your feeling. Keep us updated with how it goes. We're all with you supporting you 100%.

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  2. Gemma21 September 2011 at 14:05

    Thanks Tim, tears again now! That whole being nice thing ;)

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  3. Fatoutofskinny21 September 2011 at 20:12

    I think that going to see the doctor is an excellent idea. I'm sure Barry would think so too.
    Tomorrow is a new day.....thinking of you and sending happy thoughts your way.

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