Wednesday, 2 February 2011


Im feeling all emotional tonight. I know its to be expected, I havent really felt it apart from when I very first found out about Barry dying.

He lived in a council flat, which was obviously boarded up after the police breaking in, and the lovely council wouldnt let us have access until we paid his rent up front. So we paid 2 weeks and we now have only until 11th February to sort out his flat. So there'll be no taking our time or doing it when we're ready. We went round today, and firstly I had to clean up where he had died, which wasnt pleasant. His glasses were on the floor, all bent out of shape, which got my heartstrings quite a bit. Also, the paramedics had left print outs from a heart machine of some sort and the pads they must have attached to him, lying on the floor, which was very distressing to find. His post mortem results came back yesterday too, he had an anuerysm in his brain, we are assured he would have died instantly and known nothing about it, which helps to know he didnt suffer. His funeral is next Tuesday.

We managed to sort all his clothes out. One thing for him, he was ridiculously neat and tidy!! This is good though as it makes it all much easier to sort his stuff out. There's just so much of it.

In other news, my friend Helen (who I was bridesmaid for last June), is pregnant and had her 3 month scan today. Im so so chuffed for her, it was seeing her scan picture today that made my tears start falling, a new little life just starting, when another has come to such a sudden end.

Weightwatchers - whats that?! Lets not go there, back to binging and eating far too much and gaining weight at a rapid pace. I'll get back to it once this week is over, i'll do it for Barry, he was sooo proud of me and I want to carry on making him proud.


  1. Gosh the council are so friggin' insensitive arent they? So sorry you had to deal with all that, as if you're not cut up enough already! Can't imagine what you are going through but think you're being incredibly brave and am sending all my best wishes to you and your family

    MrsShilts x

  2. I agree with MrsShilts. You're so brave during this tough time.

    If there is a heaven out there then I am sure he's going to be following your progress so
    I think you should definitely do this for Barry.