Hard Day Today

Ive really struggled through today. Its 5 weeks since Barry died, we got his post mortem report yesterday, and it says that he had a prolonged period of unconsciousness before death occured, which is very upsetting as we were told he died instantly. He still wouldnt have known anything about it, but its brought up a whole new heap of hurt and anger, and why's and what ifs.

I spent all day wanting to punch something or kick something or just to jump up and down and scream, but as I was at work I just cried instead. I also had to calculate some timesheets, the same group of timesheets I was calculating when I got the phone call to say he'd been found dead, so that brought it all back too.

Ive managed not to deal with today by eating though! Ive had another good day food wise.

Breakfast - Oats So Simple (apple & blueberry) & skimmed milk

Lunch - small baguette with hot beef and red onion (I'd run out of Ryvitas and didnt fancy soup on its own!!)

Dinner - pasta and bolognase

Snacks - small banana, apple, grapes, yoghurt breaks

Drinks - 4 (or 5, cant remember!) glasses water, 3 coffees, 1 tea